OVERWHELMED

I am so overwhelmed right now, I might have a mental breakdown soon!  I feel unprepared, ill-equipped, and unworthy to teach these children.  Generally speaking, I am a planner.  I like things done in an orderly and organized fashion.  Right now, I could not describe myself as any of those things.  I feel like a fish out of water!  I feel like a first year teacher since I didn't have a general education class last year.  Being a "first year teacher" in this kind of situation is really hard.  I have no control over certain things, and it is hard for me not worry about those things.  I know God is in control and that He has me here for a reason, but I'm thinking maybe I didn't hear Him right!  "Me? Teach in Guatemala?  Don't you know how much that is WAY out of my comfort zone, Lord?"  The "comfort zone" part isn't even about being in Guatemala; that part I can handle.  It's the teaching situation! 

The good thing is, the first grade teacher I work with is feeling the exact same way.  We might have a "freak out" moment together here very soon.  As long as I have someone to "freak out" with, I'll be fine!  I found this quote by Betty Stam, a missionary to China who was murdered, in a book I read recently.  I liked it so much, I wrote it in my Bible and on an index card.  I have it here with me in Guatemala, and I am thankful I have it now for "freak out" moments such as this.  This has been/is my prayer each morning when I wake up to face another day.

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life.  I give myself, my time, my all, utterly to Thee to be Thine forever.  Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit.  Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.            -Betty Stam